


heart upon my sleeve

by cherryjaem



Series: sweet tough love, you're my pretty good luck charm [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: It'll make sense in other parts i think, Light Angst, M/M, Swearing, Temporarily Unrequited Love, the beginning is kinda cute but it goes downhill fast yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryjaem/pseuds/cherryjaem
Summary: “If you have reasons to like me, wouldn’t that mean you would have reasons to not like me after?”
Relationships: Kim Seungmin & Seo Changbin
Series: sweet tough love, you're my pretty good luck charm [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579756
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	heart upon my sleeve

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a small part of something bigger. Don't mind me, I'm just experimenting something new by posting them as short drabbles/oneshots under a new series, in a nonlinear narrative.

They’re on the way back to the dormitories when Changbin suggests playing rock, paper, scissors.

“Loser has to carry the winner home,” Changbin says.

Seungmin, not one to let such an opportunity of not having to walk home go to waste, immediately agrees. “Deal,” he says, crossing his arms and clasping his hands together, squinting his eyes at the spaces in between his hands to see which shape he should throw. Changbin watches the younger fondly, already knowing Seungmin would throw rock because he  _ never  _ throws paper nor scissors, no matter what, even though Seungmin is not aware of this. “Okay,” Seungmin grins, bouncing on his feet in excitement and Changbin can’t help but laugh.

“You really don’t wanna walk that much, huh?”

“I  _ really  _ want that free ride,” Seungmin smirks, and Changbin  _ knows  _ because despite looking excited, Changbin notices how tired Seungmin look after a long day at campus and then a dinner out with their friends right after,  _ and _ Changbin  _ wants  _ to help Seungmin in any way he could so when Seungmin loudly shouts  _ rock, paper, scissors  _ and throws rock, Changbin throws scissors instead. “Yes!” Seungmin pumps a fist up in victory.

“Alright,” Changbin rolls his eyes playfully, turning around so Seungmin could hop on his back. “You win. Get on.”

Seungmin doesn’t waste any time jumping on Changbin’s back, while Changbin readily catches him and secures his arms around Seungmin’s thighs. “You okay back there?”

“Are  _ you  _ okay?” Seungmin asks back. “You don’t really have to do this though. You can put me back down once we’re halfway there or something.”

“Yah,” Changbin starts walking, tone mock-offended. “I may be shorter than you, but I’m definitely stronger. Don’t underestimate me.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Seungmin laughs. “I just didn’t want to trouble you.”

“It isn’t a trouble, don’t worry,” Changbin assures. “Besides, a game is a game. I am a man of his word.”

Seungmin snorts at this. “If you say so.”

A comfortable silence settles around them, and Changbin is content being with the younger guy like this, hearing his calm breaths and feeling his arms loosely wrapped around Changbin’s neck. Changbin is almost convinced Seungmin has fallen asleep, but then he feels Seungmin pressing his face on the crook of Changbin’s neck, startling the older guy a little.

“Binnie?” Seungmin mumbles against Changbin’s neck, his voice tiny and unsure.

“Yeah, Minnie?” Changbin calls back just as gently, not wanting to discourage Seungmin or anything. Seungmin doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, almost like he’s contemplating. And then: “Why did you like me?”

Changbin freezes in his tracks. While Changbin hasn’t been subtle about his feelings for Seungmin (and even admitted it to Seungmin a long time ago), he didn’t think Seungmin would bring it up again especially when Seungmin had explicitly told Changbin to forget about it and move on. In fact, Seungmin has been avoiding talking about it or bringing it up again. It surprises him that Seungmin is asking him  _ now. _

Changbin recovers quickly though, especially when Seungmin tightens his arms slightly. “Why do you want to know?” he asks lightly, not wanting for things to turn too serious. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“I guess,” Seungmin chuckles weakly. “Can you tell me anyway?”

“Well…” Changbin says. Who is he to say no to that? There’s a lot of reasons why he liked (likes) Seungmin and he could talk about it all day, but he doesn’t want to weird Seungmin out. “You’re kind and funny and thoughtful. And you’re cute and have the cutest laugh,” Changbin says with a smile on his face. “It’s like one of my most favorite sound,  _ ever.” _

“Please,” Seungmin laughs. “The sound of my laughter is not  _ that _ nice.”

“Oh, but it is, though,” Changbin insists.

Seungmin clicks his tongue. Then: “If you have reasons to like me, wouldn’t that mean you would have reasons to not like me after?”

“What do you mean?”

“If I’m not kind and not funny, not thoughtful and cute anymore, when I stop laughing, then will you stop liking me too?”

Changbin exhales and shakes his head. “No,” he tells Seungmin. “If you stop laughing, then I’ll try to make you smile and laugh again with my stupid joke and stupid  _ aegyo _ . Or like, tickle you or something. I’ll give you reasons to laugh.” Seungmin has his lower face pressed on Changbin’s neck, and Changbin swears he could feel Seungmin’s lips curling up into a smile. “I don’t think you’ll never not be kind, funny, thoughtful and cute, though but I do think there would be moments where you forget about how amazing of a person you are, and I guess I’ll just be there to remind you about that. So…no. I don’t think there will be reasons for me to stop liking you, because there’s a lot of reasons for me to like you than for me not to.”

“Even if I broke your heart and make you sad?”

“Yeah,” Changbin says after staying quiet for a bit. “Even when you broke my heart and make me sad.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Seungmin mutters.

“Wha-”

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin quickly cuts him off. “Put me down,” he says, and in his state of confusion, Changbin loosens his arms and lets Seungmin down. “What was I thinking?” Seungmin says shakily, a nervous laughter escaping his mouth.

“Seungmin…”

“I can’t,” Seungmin’s eyebrows quickly curl into a frown, a distracted look on his face. “Hyunjin is my best friend, and you’re...you’re my best friend, too.” Changbin doesn’t say or do anything except throwing the younger a solemn look. “Changbin, Jinnie really likes you a lot. I’ve told you this before.”

Changbin inhales and exhales quietly. “I know,” he murmurs. Of course he knows. It’s the reason why Seungmin rejected him in the first place.

“Jinnie is an amazing person and I  _ love  _ him,” Seungmin continues. Changbin knows this as well. “And I love you, too,” his voice is smaller when he said this, so quiet that Changbin wouldn’t have heard it if the night wasn’t so silent like this. He doesn’t give a chance for Changbin to say anything, however, as he quickly adds: “You’re perfect for each other and I want both of you to be happy.

  
“What- what about  _ you?”  _ Changbin frowns. “What would make  _ you _ happy?”

“If you guys are happy and then I will be, too,” Seungmin offers a sad smile. It makes Changbin suddenly angry and unsettled to hear that.

“And if I say I would be happier  _ with  _ you?” Changbin challenges.

“Then Jinnie will be sad and. And I will be, too.” Changbin purses his lips into a straight line. “I don’t want to lose him.”

“So you’d rather lose me instead?” Seungmin avoids looking at Changbin’s eyes, and it fucking stings because Changbin knows his answer.

“Yeah,” Seungmin answers anyway. “I’d rather lose you to someone I trust, love and care about. He can make you happy, too, if you give him a chance.”

Changbin feels his blood boil. This isn’t how he wanted his night to end, arguing or getting mad at Seungmin like this. “Can you-. Can you just be fucking selfish for once and think for yourself and about what you want instead of putting others first before you?”

“What I want won’t make anyone happy.”

“Would  _ you _ be happy getting what  _ you _ want?” Changbin tries to reason but Seungmin is only staring at him.

“No,” he says, not breaking eye contact with Changbin. “Not if one of you get hurt.”

“So you would rather be the one to get hurt instead?”

“I won’t be hurt if you guys are hap-”

“Bullshit!” Changbin raises his voice. “We both know you will.” Seungmin doesn’t say anything back to him, so Changbin takes this chance to calm himself down, taking a deep breath in and out. “It’s okay if you don’t love me back,” Changbin says quietly. 

“Changbin, it’s not that–”

“It would hurt me less than to have to be with someone I’m not in love with,” Changbin continues, not letting Seungmin finish his words.

"Changbin…" Seungmin says. His eyes start glistening with unshed tears, his lower lip trembling.

“Did you think for a second that maybe  _ I  _ wouldn’t be happy? Did it never cross your mind that  _ I  _ could be hurt being with him, and then ending up hurting him, too? And then...and then what? All of us would end up getting hurt and unhappy.”

Seungmin seems to be swallowing a lump down his throat, tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispers. Despite feeling frustrated, annoyed and disappointed about this whole thing, Changbin finds himself worrying about the younger guy more.

"Hey," Changbin steps forward to get closer to Seungmin to comfort him, but stops when Seungmin in turn takes two steps away from Changbin. Changbin didn't think the distance between Seungmin and him could stretch further apart, but here they are now.

"Don't do this.  _ Please." _

Before Changbin could ask what  _ this _ is, Seungmin is already turning around to leave and then running away when Changbin shouts for him.

"Fuck!" Changbin rips his hat from his head and throws it onto the ground harshly. He feels warm angry tears filling his vision, his fingers finding their way into his hair to grip at them in frustration.

_ This _ is definitely  _ not _ how he wanted his night to end. He's feeling more confused than ever, and dangerously close to losing Seungmin.


End file.
